Monday, August 10, 2009

Sharing my Heart...

Silence can be so powerful.

"Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour." -1Peter 5:8

"A man who lacks judgement derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue." -Proverbs 11:12

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." -Proverbs 10:19

I am so grateful that I have a husband who listens to me when I'm down, or obsessing over something insignificant. I just finished writing a very long post that was more of a rant. And I am so glad that I got him to read it before I pushed publish. I've been sick, under the weather, and my defenses have been down. I let somethings get to me. I think when you're sick, it is easier to be overly sensitive and take things personally. -And I know better. I don't usually give into that kind of thinking. "What kind of thinking is that?" you may ask. Well, the long and the short of it is this.....

I have friends in the entertainment business, and in education that are successful. Some very successful. And we share our lives with each other, be it a review on their work in a play or film, superior for their students in a state or national competition, or pictures of life at home with hubby and the kids. And I am happy for their success, as I would expect them to be for mine. But, lately I've been getting the feeling that some of them really don't understand my life at all. And they think it is some what sad and insignificant. Of course, as I said above, when you are down, you can easily read things into a situation or conversation that may not be there at all. I mean it really could be a compliment when they say, "You were a really great teacher. I can't believe you're not teaching anymore." OR "But, you are so talented. I mean you really are good. -So why aren't you doing anything with it." And then there are other, not so subtle comments like, "Well, I'm not wasting my education." Hhmmm......

Well, it all left me feeling kinda hurt. And the more I thought about it, scrutinized it, obsessed over it, the more I got worked up over it. Until I was down right offended. And so came the long post or rant, shall we say. And when Hugh read it, he said I think you need to hold onto this one and pray about it. So, I asked him what he meant. And he very kindly explained to me that after it was all said and done, the post read more like I was trying to defend myself or even validate myself, and my decision to stay at home with my children. He said you sound a little insecure, and I know that's not you. He said you're happy, right where you are, and you know it's right where God wants you to be. So what does it matter? -And he's right. THANK YOU GOD for giving me a mate that is kind and understanding, and who can gently remind me not to allow my feelings to cloud my judgement!

I am so glad everyday, more and more that God put my husband in my life. He truly is my best friend, and has my best interest at heart. I'm so glad that we share a kind of love that is encouraging and edifying to one another. I pray everyday that the Lord will protect the intimacy between us, and help us to do the same. The devil is out to ensnare us at every turn. The Bible tells us he is out to steal, kill and destroy. Sometimes it is very obvious, and other times it is much more subtle. So, beware, be alert, and be thankful for the loved ones in your life that the Lord uses to protect you.

So, I think I'm going to keep my post for myself. I have no need now to publish it, but, I will keep it. Because I need to be able to go back and remind myself of how I need not act on my emotions. I am always growing and learning in the Lord and I need to practice more self control, bathe everything in prayer, and lean not on my own understanding. Sometimes I need to hold my tongue, and listen for the gentle and quiet whisper of the Lord. Sometimes silence is good.



Denise said...

Have I told you lately how wonderful you are, well you are. I love you.

Susan said...

What a sweet, honest post. One of the things I love about you.

Vikki said...

Sometimes I need to hold my tongue, and listen for the gentle and quiet whisper of the Lord.

I love that line from your post! As you may recall from the post of mine that you recently commented on, this is something that I am really trying to work on lately. :)

daylily777 said...

There is no greater ministry or calling in life than to be a wife and a mother, a mother that stays at home and is hands on in raising her children. This brings to mind a passage in Watchman Nee's biography ( he was a brillant man), he met with a college professor some years after college. Nee had become a minister and not gone on to other worldly persuits . The professor was shocked and told him he had wasted his life. But the world does not understand that to waste yourself (as they view it) on Jesus and what he has called you to do ,is a high calling the view of our Lord. What else are have we been called to do , but be faithful?
I would like to thank you for visting my blog parties and leaving the sweet comment.
Love in Christ,