A Hodge-Podge of Thoughts....

Hmmm. so it's been a while. Quite a while. I just haven't stopped to write my thoughts down lately. Life has been busy, but, not in a chaotic or crazy kind of way. It's been wonderful. (Does anyone else ever feel that way?) I mean sure there have been moments of stress or frustration here and there. But, minor in the scheme of it all. I really love my life. I really enjoy it. And sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one....

It's so easy to complain, and to get caught up in that vicious cycle. Let's point out everything that is wrong, or that could be done better, or that needs to be improved. BLAHhhhh already.... It makes me tired. Lately, I have stopped putting myself around people and situations that are so draining. And it's nice. Peaceful. I've found that a lot of my stress is based on other people's reactions to things or situations. (at least at this period in my life..) I can be coasting along, enjoying the day, my children, or my husband, and in steps a person who is filled with anxiety, bitterness, or chaos and drama, and I immediately react. Mainly because I am a very social people person and a people pleaser, and I want to make everyone comfortable and happy. I can't stand tension and negativity and so I try to defuse it right away. But lately, I've grown tired of that. Mainly because I've let it rob me of too much joy. I've learned that no matter how hard you try to help someone, they just won't meet you halfway. They don't want to be happy or at peace. Or I should say they aren't ready to be happy or peaceful. Because they aren't ready to give up the anger and bitterness, and drama (mostly self created,) that surrounds them. So, lately I just ignore it. Or rather, I don't react to it.

Now it isn't that I just don't care anymore or that I've become unfeeling in some way. It's more that I"m just not going to take it personally, anymore. And letting go of that, even in a small way, that need to control the situation, even if it is in a nurturing and comforting kind of way, is so freeing. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted.

OK, so if you're totally confused right now, let me paint you a little picture. I have a friend, whom I love dearly. She is a beautiful and intelligent woman. She can be so much fun to be around, but, she can also be so draining. I feel like she finds things to complain about. -Finds them, because she looks for them -Her job, family, children, husband, and yes, friends. I know she cares about me, and considers me a friend, but I obviously don't live up to her standards and expectations. And she is not always, as subtle, as she thinks she is, about expressing it. I was offering a weekly Bible study in my home. I love to entertain and I wanted to offer my little ladies group a time away from their homes, where we could gather for food, fellowship, prayer and deep conversations and time in the word. Well, that has some how turned into an expectation of something else. There has been expressed irritation that it's hard to concentrate because my children are always there, and they from time to time interrupt us because they need tending to. I was offering a full meal every time we met in the beginning. But, as our group grew and budgets got a little tighter, I scaled back to drinks and snacks; like fruit and chips and dip. The change in plans was not graciously received. I decided to try meeting out of my home at different fun places in the community. We met at little cafes, book stores and coffee shops. Since I had my husband start watching the kids this meant that we couldn't always meet on the same day, due to his schedule. Well, of course that seemed too unorganized. Well, I give up. I can't make everyone happy, even when I try to change things around. Mind you that the food and atmosphere is not what is important here. The Bible study is, right?! And I'm not going to lie I felt hurt. I open my home and for someone to come in and complain about the food or my children, -like "this is it?" -But then I noticed that when we were out, there were times she was visibly unnerved or upset also. So, that is when I decided to ignore it. I was not going to let this set the tone or mood for our worship time, so I acted like I didn't even notice. Moving on people, moving on! We are here for a time of restoration and rejuvenation. It's a time of praise and worship and connection and fellowship with other Christian sisters, so you can join in and let the Lord move you, or you can sit in your pity party, but, I will not sit with you any longer and I will not let it rob me of the opportunity to worship and be joyful.

I've actually had other ladies in the group question why she still bothers to come. They thought I should confront her. But, my thought is this....I'm not going to give her a reason not to come. She needs to be there as much as I do or any of the rest of us. God can take care of her heart and attitude. That's not my job. I've prayed hard and long about it and the Lord's firm answer is "Do Nothing." It is obviously not the right time, and there may never be. He may just take care of it quietly. I accept that He may not need to use me to resolve this. And realizing that has made me learn and grow. So, with that little situation checked off my list, there is a big sigh of relief......

So, I'm enjoying my summer, how bout you?! We are taking frequent trips to the park, and to see free out door concerts offered on the square every Friday. We've taken walks in the rain and jumped in lots of puddles in the last couple weeks. We are busy with VBS this week. I'm teaching the pre-school class, and I love it. I am asking for your prayers though. I have been struggling with a virus of some sort, and it has really wiped me out lately. But the Lord is faithful. He has given me the stamina and energy to keep up with my class so far. I have eight students between the ages of two and six.

We are enjoying the return of a mother bird, who has laid a nest of eggs for the second year now, in a basket that hangs on my front door. The kids are so excited. We got to watch them hatch and fly away last year.

I am having the hardest time with big, black ants this year. They are every where. I love to keep my windows open, but, I don't like chasing them out. Are there any traps for big, black ants?

I miss my hubby. He is working so hard this month, and he is not enjoying it. He has an hour drive to and from work, and the hospital he is at is the last place he wants to be. He actually said that if he had had to do his residency there, he might have changed his specialty. Yikes! -You gotta know it's a bad month for him, if he's gonna say that.

My house is a mess right now. I want to clean it up, but, somehow I can not seem to will my self to do it. I want it to be nice for my hubby, when he comes home. Because, I want our home to be a sanctuary and a place of rest and relaxation for him. But the reality is I clean it up at least three times a day with two, count them two -1, 2 toddlers, on the loose, and then I just give out. We are constantly dragging toys, books and games from room to room, and I am at home in it. I call it my beautiful chaos. hee-hee. No, really, I know I need to clean it up. Maybe typing about it will motivate me to actually do it. Which reminds me....I should go to bed so I can be on top of things for tomorrow. ~Blessings from above!