Thursday, April 2, 2009

Protecting My Marriage

OK, so a few days ago I told you that the Lord and I were working on some new things in my life, mainly submission. He wants me to take what He has been teaching me over this last year and apply it, even in the smallest of areas. I have felt a stirring in my spirit, and I know I'm in a time of testing and growth.

But, it only makes sense. If Jesus is indeed the Lord of my life then I need to give over every aspect of my life. My whole heart needs to be in it. My biggest fear in not doing things completely God's way has been that I might not like the out come. Wounded pride, loss of control, there have been so many excuses. But, God is slowly peeling away those layers. And instead of fears realized, I am finding a peace and freedom in letting go.

Over the last year, the Lord has had me take a closer look at my marriage, and how He wants things done. I had to re-learn a few things. I didn't realize how the world's view of love and marriage and our roles as men and women have affected my out look. Here is a little of what I've learned....

Men are called to LOVE their wives, as Christ loves His church (in a very self-less unconditional way.)

As women, we are called to respect our husbands (regardless of weather or not they deserve it, or we think they have earned it.)

The husband is the head of the family/household, and we are their help meet. We are to mirror image the relationship of Christ as head of His bride church. This really hit me one day, because it is one more way I can show that Christ is the Lord of my life and the Love of my life.

Love is about being a servant. I know this doesn't sit well with some people, but if you really think about it, when we lovingly serve our husbands/families, we are portraying a picture of how the church lovingly serves and reverences our Lord. Like wise, our husbands portray how Christ said He came to serve, not be served.

Notice I said Lovingly Serve. Remember when you fell in love and you wanted to be a part of, and support everything your love did. That is how we should be serving and supporting our Lord in our churches and our husbands at home. It's all one great big circle.

Well, recently that love and support for my husband was put to the test, on Facebook, none the less. My EX's sister contacted me with a friendship request. (Not EX as in marriage. I have not been married before. My EX as in the only other serious relationship I've had aside from my marriage.)I knew right away, this was not a good idea. And I knew right away what I had to do. But, part of me struggled with it. She is not a Christian, and I wasn't sure she would understand, if I would hurt her or even my testimony by rejecting her. But, the Lord gently reminded me that I planted seeds with her long ago, and someone else will come along to cultivate, nurture and hopefully harvest those seeds for His kingdom. My job is done. And beyond that it is more important what my husband and my Lord think of me than she or any of her family. And so, after much prayer, this is what I messaged her.

Out of respect for my husband and our marriage, I don't think it would be a good idea for us to be in continual contact, as friends here on Facebook. . -And really out of respect for XXXX and his wife as well. I know it may sound dumb to you, and to everyone else for that matter, but Hugh and I kind of made a pact that we would do everything possible to protect our relationship. We don't want to end up just another statistic of divorce. So, we don't put ourselves in compromising or tempting situations.

-We have agreed that we wouldn't continue on-going friendships with any of our Ex-s or their families. Not that anything would ever-ever happen, and not because we don't trust each other. -But, because there is no need to stir up feelings and memories in our pasts. We just know that that would in no way benefit or strengthen our relationship or marriage.

I hope you know that I am not trying to be cruel. I care about you and always will. Your family will always have a special place in my heart, and I will always pray God's blessings for-you-all.

I didn't want to just ignore your friendship request or just blow you off. After all we've been through together; I felt you deserved a little more respect than that. So, I wanted to explain. And, I just hope you can understand. Hugh and I really love each other, and respect each other. I would never want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable or hurt him, and I know he feels the same about me. We have a good marriage, and we're happy.-And we want to stay that way.

To my surprise, she understood perfectly and wished us well. So, there was a nice closure. And I feel like the Lord has in turn blessed my heart and my marriage through my faithfulness. And I'm learning little by little, how to be more of who He wants me to be. Oh Lord, You are my all in all! Thank you for lovingly leading me and teaching me. May you be glorified in my life.


Susan said...

You are a very wise, young woman, Tiffany!!! Thanks for sharing this valuable lesson.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Very, very wise post...So glad to find your blog....

Hope you will stop by my blog. I am going to have a "card box" giveaway every month.

This drawing will be the last day of April. Every comment you leave throughout the month will enter your name in the drawing.

This NEW blogger was so touched by all the comments I got on the Blog Party, that I decided to make this a monthly GIFT...
Also, if you will mention my blog telling about the monthly giveaway, you will have your name entered 10 extra times...How is that for an incentive?
I was so blown away by all the responses that I wanted to email each person personally, but TIME... just has not permitted..but I did love reading all of them..I am continuing to introduce my family members and then there will be some fun blogs coming up from Disney World in May. I am so thankful for all my new friends.

luvmy4sons said...

It sounds to me as if you are listening well to the Holy Spirit. Hugs!

Tea With Tiffany said...

You are doing the right thing. You are hearing HIS voice. Keep lovingly serving your loved ones. It's a beautiful thing. I'm still learning. Often the hard way. :)

Christy said...

It is amazing how something as "innocent" as Facebook or Myspace can stir up trouble.

I had an ex contact me through both and I eventually sent a similar email after stupidly replying to a few chatty ones. Our marriages are just too precious and Satan will do anything to cause division!!

Your post about submission was very timely :) I was very recently in a long, long conversation with some women who are not saved. We discussed submission and when I explained that it meant our husbands were called to love us as Christ did (I explained that also) they were amazed. They had never heard that part of it. After talking about serving one another with love and respect (even when you want to choke the person) they left excited and wanting to talk to their husbands about it. It planted seeds I hope as your post will in a non Christian or Christian who needs help right now!

Denise said...

Bless you dear one.